4. Human Beings Sure Are Selfless in Times of Crisis

Good for you, you have not even begun to think about yourself, like most human beings, thinking of others first. Of course you let the feeble old lady behind you in line have the next turn at the ticket counter, of course you did not let the other feeble old lady behind the feeble lady's friend behind you have yet again the next turn at the ticket counter. Upon denying your right of "the next person in line, please," the feeble lady's friend took her Mary Poppins carpet bag, somehow hoisted it above her head, and let it "accidentally fall" onto your hand holding that steaming hot caramel macchiato. Yes, the insides of your thumb and index fingers would now forever be a slightly different shade, and yes, your duty free right foot Sperry shoe would now forever be, no longer. This is only your first encounter with your fellow passengers. Jolly.

Punch Line…. If anything in your whole airport experience would be right, it would be your injured hand and destroyed shoe. 

3. Simply Put, Collateral Damage

Collateral damage, a term I stole from Vince Flynn's book titled Act of Treason basically means the fallout that you have no control over. That announcement not only changed your personal freedoms, but it also changed your relationships with the people you are closest to. Let us begin with your sweet mother who was going to pick you up from the airport after you landed. She now has to wait three hours before you even take off. You will forever be known as the irresponsible college student who did not grow up. Because you are a college student who is used to staying up late, the time difference does not have the same influence on the body as it would your mother's. Your mother planned for a garden brunch the next morning at your house, and she will forever look at you as the unfortunate child that has no respect for her acts of kindness. You, however, are lucky because your mother will forgive you. Thank goodness your neighbor, colleague, fiancée, or father-in-law did not pick you up..... but wait a minute, you haven't even left the tarmac. You do not even have to worry about these issues yet because you still have the whole 1995 "Pride and Prejudice" movie series worth of time to spend in that same airport. Jolly. Just know that you will be brooding over these underlying issues for the next couple of months to come. 

Punch line… I’m still brooding over how I could ever equate Colin Firth with unhappiness. 

2. Life As We Know It

To your dismay, whatever occasion is waiting for you at the other end is going to be missed, and whoever is waiting for you has lost your trust forever. The airline will reimburse you for your changed flight, upgrade your seat from economy to "special economy," and perhaps an extra bag of salted peanuts will get thrown into the deal you were forced into, but your best friend will never forgive you for missing her wedding and being her maid of honor; your boss will never again ask you to "seal the deal" over a golf game ruining your career of opportunities; and you will never again be able to see Enrique Iglesias live on his Euphoria tour. Life experiences are going to be missed, and perhaps your whole life just changed because of the slight delay in the times you were scheduled in for. The consequences are indeed grave: you could have caught the bouquet and remained the best friend, become partner of that nameless large corporation, or even better, married Enrique Iglesias, but alas, you are left to deal with what is called "collateral damage." 

Punch line…. Who would have thought, not marrying Enrique Iglesias as collateral damage?

1. Pilot: Fast, but Painful (Like a Band-Aid)

First you must ask yourselves, are you prepared? Are you really prepared for what is to come? Because when it does come, you will not even know what hit you until you are waist deep in personal, social, and psychological issues that will take months to mend, and even then, the scars will remain deep. The words that sounded so simple, the words that you had heard before and laughed at the other people who were affected by them, the words that just announced that your plane has been delayed, again. The words hit you like a cushioned pillow thrown at the face - soft at first, but as whatever hard object that was placed in the pillow pushes your nose towards an angle where it should not be, you begin to feel that uneasy feeling that you know will grow progressively worse as you just try to breathe. 

Punch line.... too bad the barf bags are on the plane!